Becky: Hey Dad! Here I am at college, and I'm faced with an interesting decision. There is a group on campus called "Campus Christian Fellowship" and they have Sunday morning services on campus every week. I like the service, and really appreciate the fact that it's so easy to attend, and to invite other people to come along. But, unlike the CCF in Rolla at MS&T, the one here basically considers themselves a "church" of college-aged students. The CCF in Rolla encourages students to get involved in a church in the community, saying that they are a group of believers, but not the established church. I know that you've encouraged me to find a church in Kirksville to go to. What are the pros and cons of going to church on campus vs. off campus?
Dad: Ahh, America: the land of the buffet. Isn't it amazing that we even have this dilemna. We have to think about what we think the local church should be for and be like, and then we can most likely find something pretty close, and then if we don't like it, we can try another one.
For a freshman in college, there is the new dynamic of being in a large group of peers and experiencing their energy and enthusiasm. That can make for an exciting and growing body of believers, and I wouldn't discourage you from enjoying that to the fullest. At some point you may want to ask some more long-term questions, which you are already doing (as usual): What is the local church? What is the purpose of getting together once a week? Is it important to be part of a congregation that will look more like what you will experience when you leave college?
As far as what you should do now, you may want to start with attending the student group to help you develop those positive Christian relationships with fellow students. That can be a tremendous strength as you go through your college years. There will come a time when those long-term questions become more pertinent. You may also experience the phenomenon of feeling like you've outgrown the college group. At some point it would be good to visit some local congregations and worship with a broader age group, and be part of a body with families living life in the real world. Nothing is a better teacher than living life with those who are actually living real life after college (other than living life after college yourself).
There isn't the perfect timing for everyone for doing this, so I suggest you just visit churches on occasion to remind yourself that someday you will end up being an adult with a life in a local congregation. Try out different things now while you can. Making mistakes and learning is all part of maturing in life, and these years are made for that kind of learning. There is much less to lose. Of course I'm not referring to moral mistakes. There is a lot at stake there, and that is one reason why having a solid peer group now is a good foundation for the other areas of learning.
One think you might try is inviting others to go with you when you visit a church and later talk about what it was like. Visiting churches can be an enlightening experience. If you decide to attend a local church, there may be a mid-week service for college students that you could still attend for the peer relationships.
Happy learning.
8.31.2009
8.29.2009
College and Cults
Becky: Sorry it's been such a long time! Needless to say, I have had a busy summer. The school year has started full swing though, and things are beginning to once again settle into a routine, so hurray for that! I'm in college up here at Truman State U, and I'm meeting a lot of interesting people. One of the girls I'm spending lots of time with told me that her family is part of the Christian Scientist (CS) church. She told me however, that she wasn't sure she wanted to continue in that religion - definitely a searcher. Dad, I was just wondering if you had any words of wisdom about CS. I remember you always saying that it was pretty impossible to talk to certain CS relative of ours about religion. I did look it up on Wikipedia, so I know the basics. I guess I mostly wanted to know if you had any good websites, or books that you could point me to - things that would relate directly to evangelizing to someone with a CS background, or just evangelizing to people with backgrounds in different religions/cults. I know, that's pretty specific stuff and you may have no idea - but I thought I'd ask! I think this is something that will crop up quite often - different religions, cults, and denominations. It's one of the things I'm most excited about in college. What a huge mission field!
Dad: The classic book on cults is Kingdom of the Cults by Walter Martin. It has an extensive overview of all the major cults. It's been so long since I've read it that I don't know how it's organized, but it gives an overview of each cult and then how they don't fit with Christianity, and how they are wrong. I doubt it's in a local library, but you may find stuff on line.
Dad: The classic book on cults is Kingdom of the Cults by Walter Martin. It has an extensive overview of all the major cults. It's been so long since I've read it that I don't know how it's organized, but it gives an overview of each cult and then how they don't fit with Christianity, and how they are wrong. I doubt it's in a local library, but you may find stuff on line.
Read the overview in Wikipedia. It's a good summary of what I've heard before (you may already have). Then ask her what she believes, not necessarily what CS teaches. Politely dig deep, like if she believes in God, find out what she believes about God. If she believes that everything is good, ask her if there is evil or sin. Uncle Howard kept saying, "Everything exists in the mind of God. God is good, therefore everything is good." He had no answer for evil, except it was our inability to remove our minds from the imaginary physical world. I challenged him by pointing out that if we are wrong about the existence of the physical world -- which would not be a good thing -- how can something not good be in the mind of God if everything is in the mind of God and God is good. Anyway, you probably won't have to get too deep with her, because she probably doesn't really know what she believes, kind of like most Christians.
Your best bet is to stay in the Word, and just play dumb and ask a lot of questions that show that anything not in line with God's Word ultimately doesn't make sense. Also, if you pray for her and show true concern, you will be more likely to have the opportunity to share the Gospel. It is really amazing to me that I have never had to convince anyone that they were a sinner, or at least have sinned. What sometimes happens is that people think that God could never love them because they aren't good enough. I think you know how the Gospel answers that concern.
I will pray for you and your interactions. May God give you the relationship and words so that you can be part seeing the birth of a new creation in Christ. Don't be discouraged if it doesn't happen fast, or you ever see it happen at all. You may be #6 out of 16 that she hears from to get her to the point of giving her life to Christ.
6.18.2009
To be a Father. . .
Becky:
In honor of Father's Day, I thought I'd post a question relating to being a father. As teenagers, I think it can be hard for us to realize all that goes into being a parent. Are there things we can be doing, right now, to prepare for parenting? Specifically, what are some things that young men can do now to help them become better fathers down the road?
Dad:
Now is always the best time to start preparing for parenting, or anything else you have set as a goal. A few things come to mind that would help in the process.
First, it is important to be strong as an individual in your faith before you seek to accomplish anything important in your Christian life. Time spent in the Word, worship, prayer, and fellowship with other Christians is important to your faith growth.
Second, a general principle my older brother has often emphasized is that we should use as our examples those who have succeeded and listen to them. So often we are expected to listen to those that have failed and try to learn from their mistakes. Uncle Dave's point is that we have a better chance of going the right way if we are focused on it. In learning from others to parent effectively, observe those whose younger children are well behaved, whose teenagers treat others, especially adults, with respect, and whose adult children have gone on to live productive and godly adult lives. I believe that raising godly, successful children isn't up to chance and just prayer. If you get the chance, ask those who have been successful what they believe about raising children, and you will usually receive some strong advice. It may actually be helpful and interesting to ask parents whose children have strayed what they believe about parenting. Much of what I don't agree with I learned from those parents.
This brings me to the third point: read what the "experts" are saying. The Bible has lots of good principles, so make sure you know them and purpose to follow them. For more specific methods, there are more resources than you can possibly read or watch. To narrow it down, you have to find out what the author believes about parenting, and then follow those with a biblical view. There are a lot of good techniques that may work temporarily, but making kids behave, and raising children to be godly adults is not the same thing. The first is working on outward behavior; the second is training the heart.
Secifically regarding young men who want to be godly fathers, I'd say that learning to work hard, to treat women with honor and respect, to stand up for righteousness, to lead, to have fun with all ages, and to maintain good health. Those areas would be a good start, and set young men apart from a majority of their peers.
In honor of Father's Day, I thought I'd post a question relating to being a father. As teenagers, I think it can be hard for us to realize all that goes into being a parent. Are there things we can be doing, right now, to prepare for parenting? Specifically, what are some things that young men can do now to help them become better fathers down the road?
Dad:
Now is always the best time to start preparing for parenting, or anything else you have set as a goal. A few things come to mind that would help in the process.
First, it is important to be strong as an individual in your faith before you seek to accomplish anything important in your Christian life. Time spent in the Word, worship, prayer, and fellowship with other Christians is important to your faith growth.
Second, a general principle my older brother has often emphasized is that we should use as our examples those who have succeeded and listen to them. So often we are expected to listen to those that have failed and try to learn from their mistakes. Uncle Dave's point is that we have a better chance of going the right way if we are focused on it. In learning from others to parent effectively, observe those whose younger children are well behaved, whose teenagers treat others, especially adults, with respect, and whose adult children have gone on to live productive and godly adult lives. I believe that raising godly, successful children isn't up to chance and just prayer. If you get the chance, ask those who have been successful what they believe about raising children, and you will usually receive some strong advice. It may actually be helpful and interesting to ask parents whose children have strayed what they believe about parenting. Much of what I don't agree with I learned from those parents.
This brings me to the third point: read what the "experts" are saying. The Bible has lots of good principles, so make sure you know them and purpose to follow them. For more specific methods, there are more resources than you can possibly read or watch. To narrow it down, you have to find out what the author believes about parenting, and then follow those with a biblical view. There are a lot of good techniques that may work temporarily, but making kids behave, and raising children to be godly adults is not the same thing. The first is working on outward behavior; the second is training the heart.
Secifically regarding young men who want to be godly fathers, I'd say that learning to work hard, to treat women with honor and respect, to stand up for righteousness, to lead, to have fun with all ages, and to maintain good health. Those areas would be a good start, and set young men apart from a majority of their peers.
5.23.2009
Daily Devotions
Becky: Growing up, our family always spent a lot of time reading and studying the Bible, and praying, every day. Whether at church, in our school curriculum, or at home with the family, each of us kids got a good dose of "devotions" every day. I remember that, when you and Mum gave me a Bible for a confirmation gift, you expressed the desire that I spend time in the Word on my own, every day - and thus was introduced to me the concept of "personal, daily quiet times." However -- and I blame this mostly on my second-child, lack of consistency at all, ever -ness -- I did not develop the habit of daily devotions until I had just turned 15 years old. Mrs. Hickle, my youth group leader at that time, was primarily responsible for this, and I'm forever grateful for her weekly encouragement to spend time with God each and every day.
Yes, I am getting to the question. Be patient.
So I was wondering - what do you do about personal devotions? Do you typically have a book you go through, or just read through the bible cover-to-cover, a certain amount each day, or something else entirely? What have you found works for you, and why?
I'll share what I've done in my 2.5 years of experience, and liked and disliked, once you answer. :)
Dad: It's great to have outside circumstances to blame for how we turn out, now isn't it. Your mother and I are also second children, and thus can blame that for our own inconsistencies in developing good habits. Truthfully, everyone can come up with excuses, but they don't produce the life God desires for us.
This area of quiet time / devotions / Bible study has been a blessing and a curse for many Christians. As with any biblical command, principle, or even good idea, it can quickly turn from something God wants for us to enrich our lives and relationship with Him, to a legalistic requirement to make us "good Christians." I say this because we so easily turn something relational into something required. If we are already Christians, then we realize there is nothing we can do to make ourselves right with God. All that is required has already been done by Jesus. All we need to "do" is to accept his finished work. The law doesn't go away, but instead of serving to beat us down to show us our sin, it is there as a standard that motivates us to live closer to the God who saved us from our sin.
Devotions can be an area like this. Many of us have faithfully spent quiet times for both reasons. We may at times be merely checking off our list so we feel like a good Christian, or at other times, it has become a time of real growth in our relationship with our savior. In my experience as a saved sinner, we never get past the temptation to try to earn God's approval, so the struggle to spend personal time with Him will always have an element of legalism; that is, I feel like I get points for doing this. However, as we mature in our faith, we will discover the blessing of this time, especially when we are working through life's difficulties. The Psalms are good examples of David doing this. If you are wondering if you are spending time in devotions for the right reasons, try to see why you are motivated to do it: trying to please God, being able to raise your hand if a group is asked who read their Bible today, or from a desire to grow in your relationship with God. Keep in mind, our motives will never be 100% pure until we are in Heaven, but being aware of the struggle, and confessing our sinfulness along the way, helps keep us pointed in the right direction. Basically the point here is that we want to be motivated more and more by a desire to grow in our relationship with God.
There are so many things you can do for quiet times that I won't try to set up the ideal plan. It would be a mistake to attempt it anyway, because we are so unique. It is better for each of us to discover these things on our own, like a friendship developing naturally. I will list some of the things you can do that have been helpful for others:
Reading the Bible
Some read the Bible all the way through every year. Wow, what an accomplishment! I've done that maybe three times in my life-time, and it's a blessing, but I'm not sure it would be the best thing to do every year, at least for me. Many read the Bible through over a period of years, just so that they read it all. I've done that too, and it is more relaxing than the one-year plan. What I do when I read the Bible through is to underline things that surprise me, or that I hadn't noticed before. Plus, I have a few symbols I use to mark specific concepts, like parenting helps, the trinity, evangelism, the divinity of Christ, key ideas, etc. For me, the discipline of that approach is helpful every few years, but not as helpful if I do it every year. I think it would become more and more legalistic for me. Another Bible reading approach that is not so challenging, and possibly more personal and helpful, is to chose a book of the Bible and read it through. Before you begin each day, pray that God would teach you something for today. Stop each day when you come to a verse that says something that seems to be for you today. Read it again, and ask God to help you use it today. The next day, begin from that point and read on. This is simple, yet it can be a profound way to hear from God each day.
Prayer
In some way, include prayer. This can be something as simple as what I just mentioned above in your Bible reading. It can be much more. Personal prayer takes a life-time to develop because so much of the prayer Christians experience is formal corporate prayer, and sometimes written for an occasion. Personal prayer is more like a conversation with a mentor. It can include various tools like P.R.A.Y (praise, repent, ask, yield), or A.C.T.S. (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication). Prayer can be telling God that you are upset, jazzed, confused, etc. I talked to someone once who said that most of his prayers lately were telling God he was mad at Him. That's prayer, just talking with God. Be bold in prayer. Pray for miracles. God is in the business of action in our lives, not just watching and hoping we turn out okay. Prayer needs to include listening to God as well. He will speak to you in some form if you take the time to listen.
Devotions books
These can be very helpful especially in groups with a variety of ages or maturities, for focused study, or if you feel the need for help or dealing with a specific issue. Some of them are excellent, and some are sappy. They definitely have their place, and can be a good tool. I have used so many of these that I often just turn back to the Bible and see what God has to say to me.
Silence
In our fast-paced lives, this can be a most helpful discipline. "Be still, and know that I am God." Our schedules are not God. I am not God. My troubles are not God. My profound thoughts are not God. My emotions are not God. He is God. Sometime silence is our way of giving up our lesser priorities to remind us of the one true highest priority.
Worship
Here I'm referring to the narrow definition of worship as using music to praise God. (There is a book to be written about a life of worship.) For many this is a key part of their time with God. This can be singing, listening to praise music, or just having it playing quietly in the background as you read or pray. The only times I use this tool is when driving, or if no one is home. Making a joyful noise can turn a personal time into a time when others in the house may wonder, "What's that noise?" However, the car is like a "cone of silence." (If you're driving, sing with your eyes open.)
Journal
Many have found that writing is a helpful exercise in time alone with God. I did a lot more of this when I was in college. What is helpful here is that you can look back and observe what God has been doing in your life, plus it is also a good way to collect and process thoughts into a usable form. Many profound thoughts and prayers have come from time writing.
Generally speaking, I have three main suggestions: First, do something. Don't worry if your are doing the best thing. Do what seems best at the time. Add or revise your routine as it seems necessary. Second, variety is good. This can help you move from requirement to relationship. If you went on a date once a week and you always went to the same places and did the same things, it would get boring. Maybe God gets bored when we do the same things with Him. Third, do what works best for you. Everyone is different, and that's good. God gets to spend time with billions of us, and yet he knows each of us personally. Be personal, and be yourself. My life varies so much every day that it is difficult for me to have a routine. I use car time for some of my focused time with God. (I don't read while driving.) Find your best way to spend time with God, and then do it. What ever you decide to do, keep your motives in check. God doesn't want "good Christians". He wants us. He wants you. He wants me. Today. Every day. All day.
Yes, I am getting to the question. Be patient.
So I was wondering - what do you do about personal devotions? Do you typically have a book you go through, or just read through the bible cover-to-cover, a certain amount each day, or something else entirely? What have you found works for you, and why?
I'll share what I've done in my 2.5 years of experience, and liked and disliked, once you answer. :)
Dad: It's great to have outside circumstances to blame for how we turn out, now isn't it. Your mother and I are also second children, and thus can blame that for our own inconsistencies in developing good habits. Truthfully, everyone can come up with excuses, but they don't produce the life God desires for us.
This area of quiet time / devotions / Bible study has been a blessing and a curse for many Christians. As with any biblical command, principle, or even good idea, it can quickly turn from something God wants for us to enrich our lives and relationship with Him, to a legalistic requirement to make us "good Christians." I say this because we so easily turn something relational into something required. If we are already Christians, then we realize there is nothing we can do to make ourselves right with God. All that is required has already been done by Jesus. All we need to "do" is to accept his finished work. The law doesn't go away, but instead of serving to beat us down to show us our sin, it is there as a standard that motivates us to live closer to the God who saved us from our sin.
Devotions can be an area like this. Many of us have faithfully spent quiet times for both reasons. We may at times be merely checking off our list so we feel like a good Christian, or at other times, it has become a time of real growth in our relationship with our savior. In my experience as a saved sinner, we never get past the temptation to try to earn God's approval, so the struggle to spend personal time with Him will always have an element of legalism; that is, I feel like I get points for doing this. However, as we mature in our faith, we will discover the blessing of this time, especially when we are working through life's difficulties. The Psalms are good examples of David doing this. If you are wondering if you are spending time in devotions for the right reasons, try to see why you are motivated to do it: trying to please God, being able to raise your hand if a group is asked who read their Bible today, or from a desire to grow in your relationship with God. Keep in mind, our motives will never be 100% pure until we are in Heaven, but being aware of the struggle, and confessing our sinfulness along the way, helps keep us pointed in the right direction. Basically the point here is that we want to be motivated more and more by a desire to grow in our relationship with God.
There are so many things you can do for quiet times that I won't try to set up the ideal plan. It would be a mistake to attempt it anyway, because we are so unique. It is better for each of us to discover these things on our own, like a friendship developing naturally. I will list some of the things you can do that have been helpful for others:
Reading the Bible
Some read the Bible all the way through every year. Wow, what an accomplishment! I've done that maybe three times in my life-time, and it's a blessing, but I'm not sure it would be the best thing to do every year, at least for me. Many read the Bible through over a period of years, just so that they read it all. I've done that too, and it is more relaxing than the one-year plan. What I do when I read the Bible through is to underline things that surprise me, or that I hadn't noticed before. Plus, I have a few symbols I use to mark specific concepts, like parenting helps, the trinity, evangelism, the divinity of Christ, key ideas, etc. For me, the discipline of that approach is helpful every few years, but not as helpful if I do it every year. I think it would become more and more legalistic for me. Another Bible reading approach that is not so challenging, and possibly more personal and helpful, is to chose a book of the Bible and read it through. Before you begin each day, pray that God would teach you something for today. Stop each day when you come to a verse that says something that seems to be for you today. Read it again, and ask God to help you use it today. The next day, begin from that point and read on. This is simple, yet it can be a profound way to hear from God each day.
Prayer
In some way, include prayer. This can be something as simple as what I just mentioned above in your Bible reading. It can be much more. Personal prayer takes a life-time to develop because so much of the prayer Christians experience is formal corporate prayer, and sometimes written for an occasion. Personal prayer is more like a conversation with a mentor. It can include various tools like P.R.A.Y (praise, repent, ask, yield), or A.C.T.S. (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication). Prayer can be telling God that you are upset, jazzed, confused, etc. I talked to someone once who said that most of his prayers lately were telling God he was mad at Him. That's prayer, just talking with God. Be bold in prayer. Pray for miracles. God is in the business of action in our lives, not just watching and hoping we turn out okay. Prayer needs to include listening to God as well. He will speak to you in some form if you take the time to listen.
Devotions books
These can be very helpful especially in groups with a variety of ages or maturities, for focused study, or if you feel the need for help or dealing with a specific issue. Some of them are excellent, and some are sappy. They definitely have their place, and can be a good tool. I have used so many of these that I often just turn back to the Bible and see what God has to say to me.
Silence
In our fast-paced lives, this can be a most helpful discipline. "Be still, and know that I am God." Our schedules are not God. I am not God. My troubles are not God. My profound thoughts are not God. My emotions are not God. He is God. Sometime silence is our way of giving up our lesser priorities to remind us of the one true highest priority.
Worship
Here I'm referring to the narrow definition of worship as using music to praise God. (There is a book to be written about a life of worship.) For many this is a key part of their time with God. This can be singing, listening to praise music, or just having it playing quietly in the background as you read or pray. The only times I use this tool is when driving, or if no one is home. Making a joyful noise can turn a personal time into a time when others in the house may wonder, "What's that noise?" However, the car is like a "cone of silence." (If you're driving, sing with your eyes open.)
Journal
Many have found that writing is a helpful exercise in time alone with God. I did a lot more of this when I was in college. What is helpful here is that you can look back and observe what God has been doing in your life, plus it is also a good way to collect and process thoughts into a usable form. Many profound thoughts and prayers have come from time writing.
Generally speaking, I have three main suggestions: First, do something. Don't worry if your are doing the best thing. Do what seems best at the time. Add or revise your routine as it seems necessary. Second, variety is good. This can help you move from requirement to relationship. If you went on a date once a week and you always went to the same places and did the same things, it would get boring. Maybe God gets bored when we do the same things with Him. Third, do what works best for you. Everyone is different, and that's good. God gets to spend time with billions of us, and yet he knows each of us personally. Be personal, and be yourself. My life varies so much every day that it is difficult for me to have a routine. I use car time for some of my focused time with God. (I don't read while driving.) Find your best way to spend time with God, and then do it. What ever you decide to do, keep your motives in check. God doesn't want "good Christians". He wants us. He wants you. He wants me. Today. Every day. All day.
5.03.2009
The Skinny on Fat
Dad: It seems that young people, particularly girls, have a real variety of eating habits - everything from those who eat constantly, and are obese as a result, to those who eat very little, and are bean-poles. Putting aside kids whose metabolism allows them to stay thin no matter what or how much they eat, what are your thoughts on the whole teen weight issue? It seems that there are a lot more really fat kids than there used to be, but still lots of really skinny kids. What do you see the overweight struggling with? Are they turning to food as an escape, or do Americans just have bad eating habits? Don’t they realize it’s unhealthy? And, are the skinny trying to be thin because of TV models, poor self-esteem, or a true desire to be healthy?
I don’t expect you to have right answers to these questions, but I’d like to hear a young lady such as you share your observations on this subject. Simply put, why are a growing number of young people over-weight, and at the same time, why are some so skinny?
Becky: Wow, sorry to let this one go so long without a reply. I'm not avoiding the issue - just having a rather hectic end-of-school-year/beginning-of-summer transition! However, I've got to admit that this is a tough one. Weight is a tricky thing to talk about, especially in a day and age when, like you said, we see such a variety, and more people than before on each far end of the spectrum. I've been thinking about it a lot, so I have quite a bit to say - stick with me here, and definitely comment with anything that strikes you as odd, unusual, or right-on. ;)
The whole teen weight issue is hard to really lump into one category and deal with as a whole. There are so many different facets of it, from obesity to anorexia, etc. And, although you said "putting aside kids whose metabolism allows them to stay thin no matter what or how much they eat," we have to realize that can play a major factor in the struggles people have with weight.
So where to start? I guess with the issue of being overweight or obese. It has become an increasing problem, and I think a lot of people like to blame it on the advances in processed and instant food we have. While it is true that the newest innovations with food seem to be growing as far as general unhealthiness, we must also admit that, as Americans, we have a vast array of selections when it comes to our meal options. Yes, these unhealthy foods are readily available - but so are an increasing amount of all natural, healthy, wholesome foods. We have a choice in what we eat, and we, quite naturally, reap the consequences of those choices.
Now, I've always been very wary of blaming things on "environment" - as just stated, each person has choices that they make, and those choices are the primary factors in shaping who they are. However, the blame of the problem America has with overweight children and teens can be placed, in part, upon parents, and the family lifestyles that our culture supports and encourages. Let's face it - what family do you know who doesn't have their life pretty packed with activities? I know our family is very busy - and while we've always prioritized family mealtimes, with good, healthy, well-balanced food items. . . things come up, games and practices get scheduled, and we often find ourselves "on-the-go," grabbing whatever we can, when we can, to eat. More often than not, this results in poor eating habits - and this busyness can also, in many cases, result in in-activity and unsubstantial exercise for young and old alike. The combination of these two things can be deadly for children and teens who aren't blessed with great metabolism and such.
While they might realize that their eating habits are unhealthy, I suspect that most teens are either a. too busy to take the time to change their lifestyle and address their eating problems, b. lack the motivation/consistency to do so on their own, and don't find their parents to be helpful in this area, or c. are too embarrassed or uncomfortable to ask for their parents' help. Especially in situations when the teen has developed a real problem with being overweight or obese, it can be very hard to ask for help in taking steps to fix it. Asking for help is admitting a problem, and that's something that even adults struggle with doing. And adults, especially parents, will shy away from the issue as well - either a. they know that they don't really have the time to address it properly, and so they ignore it; b. they don't want to damage their child's self-esteem, and act like it isn't a problem; or c. they don't actually see the problem at all - they are blinded by their closeness to the issue.
So where does that put teens, who find themselves overweight or obese because of the bad habits they have developed as a result of a busy lifestyle and inactive parents (inactive as in "not active in their lives and problems," not "failing to exercise") ? Well, here is where the "eating as an escape" and the eating disorder issues come in. First, eating as an escape. . . I actually don't have a lot to say on this. Everyone has different emotional escapes, but this isn't one of mine. I think, however, that it's something people tend to do more after they already have bad eating habits - they grow so discouraged about trying to lose weight, that they just give up. Dieting can be incredibly depressing - I'd imagine anyone who tried to do so would eventually turn back to food because they see that they were happier emotionally (although not healthier physically) when they didn't keep track of their food intake. I believe that there are also physiological factors involved, about eating being a pleasurable, and possibly even addicting thing, but I don't know enough about that to comment.
The other extreme seems to be developing some kind of eating disorder because of a weight problem (we'll get to eating disorders in people who don't have weight problems later on here). This is a pretty obvious one - the teen feels the pressure, desire, or need to be thin; they see that they aren't thin; they feel uncomfortable asking for help to lose weight; they realize that dieting is hard, and discouraging; they go the route of either anorexia, bulimia, or something in between, in a last-ditch effort to lose weight. My heart goes out to kids in this situation - so often, I think that lack of communication and relationship with parents is the root of the problem.
So what about teens who don't have a weight problem, and yet still seem obsessed with being thin? Obviously, we can see this is mostly a problem among girls. You asked if it's because of "TV models," and I laughed. Growing up in a Christian home and school meant that I got my fair share of self-esteem pep talks - the typical "God has created you in a beautiful way, and you don't have to try and fit the mold that the world has given when it comes to beauty." It was good stuff - as a result, I honestly don't look at models, celebrities, or entertainers as "the ideal" when it comes to weight, size, and shape. Just look at the cover of any magazine at Walmart, and you'll see a story about this or that actress who is in rehab once again because her weight is out of control - and looking at the pictures of that would make anyone turned off to their idea of "beauty." However, I can see that a solid diet of TV shows, movies, and teen fashion magazines could quite easily cause a teenage girl to see those women as the "norm," and to feel that she must be like that. And, because many of my peers have grown up in a culture where they are bombarded by this stuff night and day, I would say that yes, "TV models" do play a part in the development of an eating disorder, for many girls.
However, the area that I've found most of my friends struggle the most is among their peers. I've had many girls admit to me that, when around friends, they can (at times) be constantly comparing their size to the girls around them. And, when a girl sees that she is bigger than the girls she spends time with, she can start to feel discontent. I guess this would also be where low self-esteem comes in. If that girl doesn't get the kind of love and support she needs from her family and parents, and hasn't been made to feel beautiful, she can quickly begin to think that being thin is something that will cause others to love and accept her. Here begins what can be a life-long battle, always trying to be the same as her peers when it comes to weight and size, and thinking that, if she isn't, those around her won't love her as much.
I would say the main reason we see this problem with teen girls more than other age groups is because of the boy factor - let's face it, teen girls want to be attractive to teen guys. And, while we know that any boy worth our time won't judge us purely by outward appearance . . . we also know that guys are visual and do care at least some about how we look.
The issue of eating disorders then, seems to be more about emotions and self-esteem than it is about health. However, we can't totally discount genuine desire to be healthy among some who struggle with eating disorders, As with obesity, I think that the reason this is a problem is lack of communication. How can a kid tell their parents that they want to be trim and fit, and avoid being overweight, when their parents will either, a. be too busy to care or consistently help; b. brush it off with a "you don't need to worry about this;" or c. freak out, because they think their teen is starting to/already has an eating disorder. Most teens, because they don't have a good and comfortable relationship with their parents, will try to solve it on their own, rather than risk having to deal with one of the above parental reactions.
If a teen does develop an eating disorder, whether because of emotional or physical reasons, parents need to realize that it is almost impossible for them to find the strength to admit the problem and get help. Especially among Christian families - as I mentioned earlier, the steady diet of self-esteem seminars for young girls are helpful . . . but often, they paint eating disorders in such a terrible light, that when a teen suddenly and abruptly finds themselves in the middle of one, they feel guilty or wrong, as if they have let down family, or even God. And where do they turn, if their parents have not made a habit of being an active participant when it comes to the exercising and eating habits of their kids?
So, in summary, I'm going to have to say that the root of this problem in America, on both ends, is parent/teen relationships. Communication is vital, and parents have to take the time to make sure their kids are healthy. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so I've heard. :)
I don’t expect you to have right answers to these questions, but I’d like to hear a young lady such as you share your observations on this subject. Simply put, why are a growing number of young people over-weight, and at the same time, why are some so skinny?
Becky: Wow, sorry to let this one go so long without a reply. I'm not avoiding the issue - just having a rather hectic end-of-school-year/beginning-of-summer transition! However, I've got to admit that this is a tough one. Weight is a tricky thing to talk about, especially in a day and age when, like you said, we see such a variety, and more people than before on each far end of the spectrum. I've been thinking about it a lot, so I have quite a bit to say - stick with me here, and definitely comment with anything that strikes you as odd, unusual, or right-on. ;)
The whole teen weight issue is hard to really lump into one category and deal with as a whole. There are so many different facets of it, from obesity to anorexia, etc. And, although you said "putting aside kids whose metabolism allows them to stay thin no matter what or how much they eat," we have to realize that can play a major factor in the struggles people have with weight.
So where to start? I guess with the issue of being overweight or obese. It has become an increasing problem, and I think a lot of people like to blame it on the advances in processed and instant food we have. While it is true that the newest innovations with food seem to be growing as far as general unhealthiness, we must also admit that, as Americans, we have a vast array of selections when it comes to our meal options. Yes, these unhealthy foods are readily available - but so are an increasing amount of all natural, healthy, wholesome foods. We have a choice in what we eat, and we, quite naturally, reap the consequences of those choices.
Now, I've always been very wary of blaming things on "environment" - as just stated, each person has choices that they make, and those choices are the primary factors in shaping who they are. However, the blame of the problem America has with overweight children and teens can be placed, in part, upon parents, and the family lifestyles that our culture supports and encourages. Let's face it - what family do you know who doesn't have their life pretty packed with activities? I know our family is very busy - and while we've always prioritized family mealtimes, with good, healthy, well-balanced food items. . . things come up, games and practices get scheduled, and we often find ourselves "on-the-go," grabbing whatever we can, when we can, to eat. More often than not, this results in poor eating habits - and this busyness can also, in many cases, result in in-activity and unsubstantial exercise for young and old alike. The combination of these two things can be deadly for children and teens who aren't blessed with great metabolism and such.
While they might realize that their eating habits are unhealthy, I suspect that most teens are either a. too busy to take the time to change their lifestyle and address their eating problems, b. lack the motivation/consistency to do so on their own, and don't find their parents to be helpful in this area, or c. are too embarrassed or uncomfortable to ask for their parents' help. Especially in situations when the teen has developed a real problem with being overweight or obese, it can be very hard to ask for help in taking steps to fix it. Asking for help is admitting a problem, and that's something that even adults struggle with doing. And adults, especially parents, will shy away from the issue as well - either a. they know that they don't really have the time to address it properly, and so they ignore it; b. they don't want to damage their child's self-esteem, and act like it isn't a problem; or c. they don't actually see the problem at all - they are blinded by their closeness to the issue.
So where does that put teens, who find themselves overweight or obese because of the bad habits they have developed as a result of a busy lifestyle and inactive parents (inactive as in "not active in their lives and problems," not "failing to exercise") ? Well, here is where the "eating as an escape" and the eating disorder issues come in. First, eating as an escape. . . I actually don't have a lot to say on this. Everyone has different emotional escapes, but this isn't one of mine. I think, however, that it's something people tend to do more after they already have bad eating habits - they grow so discouraged about trying to lose weight, that they just give up. Dieting can be incredibly depressing - I'd imagine anyone who tried to do so would eventually turn back to food because they see that they were happier emotionally (although not healthier physically) when they didn't keep track of their food intake. I believe that there are also physiological factors involved, about eating being a pleasurable, and possibly even addicting thing, but I don't know enough about that to comment.
The other extreme seems to be developing some kind of eating disorder because of a weight problem (we'll get to eating disorders in people who don't have weight problems later on here). This is a pretty obvious one - the teen feels the pressure, desire, or need to be thin; they see that they aren't thin; they feel uncomfortable asking for help to lose weight; they realize that dieting is hard, and discouraging; they go the route of either anorexia, bulimia, or something in between, in a last-ditch effort to lose weight. My heart goes out to kids in this situation - so often, I think that lack of communication and relationship with parents is the root of the problem.
So what about teens who don't have a weight problem, and yet still seem obsessed with being thin? Obviously, we can see this is mostly a problem among girls. You asked if it's because of "TV models," and I laughed. Growing up in a Christian home and school meant that I got my fair share of self-esteem pep talks - the typical "God has created you in a beautiful way, and you don't have to try and fit the mold that the world has given when it comes to beauty." It was good stuff - as a result, I honestly don't look at models, celebrities, or entertainers as "the ideal" when it comes to weight, size, and shape. Just look at the cover of any magazine at Walmart, and you'll see a story about this or that actress who is in rehab once again because her weight is out of control - and looking at the pictures of that would make anyone turned off to their idea of "beauty." However, I can see that a solid diet of TV shows, movies, and teen fashion magazines could quite easily cause a teenage girl to see those women as the "norm," and to feel that she must be like that. And, because many of my peers have grown up in a culture where they are bombarded by this stuff night and day, I would say that yes, "TV models" do play a part in the development of an eating disorder, for many girls.
However, the area that I've found most of my friends struggle the most is among their peers. I've had many girls admit to me that, when around friends, they can (at times) be constantly comparing their size to the girls around them. And, when a girl sees that she is bigger than the girls she spends time with, she can start to feel discontent. I guess this would also be where low self-esteem comes in. If that girl doesn't get the kind of love and support she needs from her family and parents, and hasn't been made to feel beautiful, she can quickly begin to think that being thin is something that will cause others to love and accept her. Here begins what can be a life-long battle, always trying to be the same as her peers when it comes to weight and size, and thinking that, if she isn't, those around her won't love her as much.
I would say the main reason we see this problem with teen girls more than other age groups is because of the boy factor - let's face it, teen girls want to be attractive to teen guys. And, while we know that any boy worth our time won't judge us purely by outward appearance . . . we also know that guys are visual and do care at least some about how we look.
The issue of eating disorders then, seems to be more about emotions and self-esteem than it is about health. However, we can't totally discount genuine desire to be healthy among some who struggle with eating disorders, As with obesity, I think that the reason this is a problem is lack of communication. How can a kid tell their parents that they want to be trim and fit, and avoid being overweight, when their parents will either, a. be too busy to care or consistently help; b. brush it off with a "you don't need to worry about this;" or c. freak out, because they think their teen is starting to/already has an eating disorder. Most teens, because they don't have a good and comfortable relationship with their parents, will try to solve it on their own, rather than risk having to deal with one of the above parental reactions.
If a teen does develop an eating disorder, whether because of emotional or physical reasons, parents need to realize that it is almost impossible for them to find the strength to admit the problem and get help. Especially among Christian families - as I mentioned earlier, the steady diet of self-esteem seminars for young girls are helpful . . . but often, they paint eating disorders in such a terrible light, that when a teen suddenly and abruptly finds themselves in the middle of one, they feel guilty or wrong, as if they have let down family, or even God. And where do they turn, if their parents have not made a habit of being an active participant when it comes to the exercising and eating habits of their kids?
So, in summary, I'm going to have to say that the root of this problem in America, on both ends, is parent/teen relationships. Communication is vital, and parents have to take the time to make sure their kids are healthy. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so I've heard. :)
4.20.2009
Becky: Before I start, it should be noted that the "Dad" of this here operation is quite under the weather, and would appreciate your prayers. (And a sidenote from a future nurse - his throat is SO gross, but looks SO cool!)
Moving onto a new question however. . .Recently, a friend and I were discussing the concept of getting married and starting a family at a young age (18, or 19). I told her that, while I can definitely imagine having a husband and even young children in the not-too-distant future, I would be very hesitant to do so, because of the enormous responsibility of parenting. Loving and caring for a cute little baby is one thing - but training and disciplining that same cute little baby (especially the times he is not being quite so cute and cuddly) is entirely different, especially when you are intent upon doing so in a way that is pleasing to the Lord. I was quick to admit that I don't think my 17.5 years of life have come close to preparing me for that. However, she said that the part she would be concerned about with parenting is the teen years - she says that she has a huge fear of her kids falling away from their faith as they grow older. This puzzled me - after all, I feel like, by the teen years, you, Mum, and I have become more of a team, working together to get me into the next stage of life. It seems to me like the teen years should be easier on the parents, not harder. I would venture to say that those early years are the ones that are crucial, and really determine just how the teen years - and ultimately adult years - turn out. But you're the parent! What do you think?
Dad: Cough!! Hack!! Gurgle!! Spit!! Swallow, AAHH!! Where’s my medicine?! Make me some tea with honey and lemon; what’s taking so long? Groan, moan, I can’t stand this… God, save me from this body of death!! Okay, so I’m a big annoying baby when I’m sick. But keep in mind, I don't get sick very often, so I have to get my money’s worth.
Is this the time to write the rough draft of my book on Christian parenting? I’ll try to restrain myself, and just hit on the specific questions you asked, and give some general concept answers.
You definitely have the right idea, that the early years are the most crucial, and determine how the later years turn out. There is heated disagreement, even in the Christian community on how to raise children, and if yours turn out well, you will be told that you were lucky to have good kids. While we can’t completely control how our kids turn out, we have a tremendous effect, and are mandated by God to raise them “in the way they should go” (Prov. 22:6). I strongly believe that if we do our parenting job right, it would be rare to see one fall away. Since we all have weaknesses and failings, it does happen, but if we were faithful to biblical principles, we wouldn’t often see it. Some say that we just do our best and pray. This can be a lazy approach that puts parents into years of praying for their adult children, not that they shouldn’t pray, but we have turned so far away from biblical parenting that for many, the only tool they can confidently claim is prayer.
Okay, so what are these principles? I’ll just list a few to avoid the book thing. First all, as you said, the early years are critical. The Bible says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” This basically means that we begin our honest relationship with God by fearing Him – yes being afraid of Him. God has the authority to determine our eternal destiny. That’s scary! Eventually, as we learn to obey God, and develop good habits, we enjoy His blessings, and we learn to love Him. When we realize how much He’s done for us, we come to the point where we want, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to do whatever he wants us to do, even if we don’t understand. The final result is the ability to discern His will, and live in sync with it.
The same principles apply to parenting. We shouldn’t start as our children’s friends, but friendship is a long-term fruit of good parenting. The starting point is “The fear of Dad is the beginning of wisdom.” This means that we insist on obedience from the time they are able to obey. The changing table offers lots of opportunities to expect specific behavior. When children learn to walk, they must be taught to stop, go, and come. These are both issues of obedience and safety. If we insist on obedience as the foundation of our training, we lay the groundwork for all of the moral behaviors and life skills we will work hard at developing in our children.
The result is that our children have a sense of security because boundaries are well defined, and behaviors and skills are learned without the fighting that too often occurs otherwise. When children learn quickly because behavior isn’t as much of an issue, then confidence grows. (Self-esteem used to be called confidence.) Confidence comes from accomplishment and improvement, not flattery. Encouragement must be part of it, but it must be for genuine growth.
The positive results of this approach are that the real battles are fought in the early years, not postponed for the later years. Would you rather deal with winning the battle of teaching a one-year-old to come when he’s called, or deal with a 17-year-old who won’t come home from a party when he’s called? However, many parents, especially moms say, “But I don’t want to be the bad guy all the time.” How is insisting on what is right being the bad guy? The bad guy is the one who lets his children misbehave without correction. Besides, one of the most gratifying accomplishments in life is seeing your children grow in obedience and life skills.
There is so much written on this subject, but most of it is not biblically strong enough, and is too easy on the obedience issue. As we continue to discuss this stuff, I’ll share with you what we’ve found as helpful resources. Fortunately our parents modeled good Christian parenting, and we discussed, and still discuss the principles they used that were the best, and have tried to do those things that we believe are effective. Of course we have not been as consistent as we should have been, and often reap the fruit of that in you kids, but for the most part, where we’ve held the line, we have seen success.
One last thing: in no way do I want to minimize prayer. We have prayed for you kids from before you were born, and strongly believe that God has been present with you from the beginning. We pray more for your spiritual health than your physical health; more for your holiness than your happiness. Ultimately, our goal is to see you in heaven, and your worldly success is secondary.
Moving onto a new question however. . .Recently, a friend and I were discussing the concept of getting married and starting a family at a young age (18, or 19). I told her that, while I can definitely imagine having a husband and even young children in the not-too-distant future, I would be very hesitant to do so, because of the enormous responsibility of parenting. Loving and caring for a cute little baby is one thing - but training and disciplining that same cute little baby (especially the times he is not being quite so cute and cuddly) is entirely different, especially when you are intent upon doing so in a way that is pleasing to the Lord. I was quick to admit that I don't think my 17.5 years of life have come close to preparing me for that. However, she said that the part she would be concerned about with parenting is the teen years - she says that she has a huge fear of her kids falling away from their faith as they grow older. This puzzled me - after all, I feel like, by the teen years, you, Mum, and I have become more of a team, working together to get me into the next stage of life. It seems to me like the teen years should be easier on the parents, not harder. I would venture to say that those early years are the ones that are crucial, and really determine just how the teen years - and ultimately adult years - turn out. But you're the parent! What do you think?
Dad: Cough!! Hack!! Gurgle!! Spit!! Swallow, AAHH!! Where’s my medicine?! Make me some tea with honey and lemon; what’s taking so long? Groan, moan, I can’t stand this… God, save me from this body of death!! Okay, so I’m a big annoying baby when I’m sick. But keep in mind, I don't get sick very often, so I have to get my money’s worth.
Is this the time to write the rough draft of my book on Christian parenting? I’ll try to restrain myself, and just hit on the specific questions you asked, and give some general concept answers.
You definitely have the right idea, that the early years are the most crucial, and determine how the later years turn out. There is heated disagreement, even in the Christian community on how to raise children, and if yours turn out well, you will be told that you were lucky to have good kids. While we can’t completely control how our kids turn out, we have a tremendous effect, and are mandated by God to raise them “in the way they should go” (Prov. 22:6). I strongly believe that if we do our parenting job right, it would be rare to see one fall away. Since we all have weaknesses and failings, it does happen, but if we were faithful to biblical principles, we wouldn’t often see it. Some say that we just do our best and pray. This can be a lazy approach that puts parents into years of praying for their adult children, not that they shouldn’t pray, but we have turned so far away from biblical parenting that for many, the only tool they can confidently claim is prayer.
Okay, so what are these principles? I’ll just list a few to avoid the book thing. First all, as you said, the early years are critical. The Bible says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” This basically means that we begin our honest relationship with God by fearing Him – yes being afraid of Him. God has the authority to determine our eternal destiny. That’s scary! Eventually, as we learn to obey God, and develop good habits, we enjoy His blessings, and we learn to love Him. When we realize how much He’s done for us, we come to the point where we want, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to do whatever he wants us to do, even if we don’t understand. The final result is the ability to discern His will, and live in sync with it.
The same principles apply to parenting. We shouldn’t start as our children’s friends, but friendship is a long-term fruit of good parenting. The starting point is “The fear of Dad is the beginning of wisdom.” This means that we insist on obedience from the time they are able to obey. The changing table offers lots of opportunities to expect specific behavior. When children learn to walk, they must be taught to stop, go, and come. These are both issues of obedience and safety. If we insist on obedience as the foundation of our training, we lay the groundwork for all of the moral behaviors and life skills we will work hard at developing in our children.
The result is that our children have a sense of security because boundaries are well defined, and behaviors and skills are learned without the fighting that too often occurs otherwise. When children learn quickly because behavior isn’t as much of an issue, then confidence grows. (Self-esteem used to be called confidence.) Confidence comes from accomplishment and improvement, not flattery. Encouragement must be part of it, but it must be for genuine growth.
The positive results of this approach are that the real battles are fought in the early years, not postponed for the later years. Would you rather deal with winning the battle of teaching a one-year-old to come when he’s called, or deal with a 17-year-old who won’t come home from a party when he’s called? However, many parents, especially moms say, “But I don’t want to be the bad guy all the time.” How is insisting on what is right being the bad guy? The bad guy is the one who lets his children misbehave without correction. Besides, one of the most gratifying accomplishments in life is seeing your children grow in obedience and life skills.
There is so much written on this subject, but most of it is not biblically strong enough, and is too easy on the obedience issue. As we continue to discuss this stuff, I’ll share with you what we’ve found as helpful resources. Fortunately our parents modeled good Christian parenting, and we discussed, and still discuss the principles they used that were the best, and have tried to do those things that we believe are effective. Of course we have not been as consistent as we should have been, and often reap the fruit of that in you kids, but for the most part, where we’ve held the line, we have seen success.
One last thing: in no way do I want to minimize prayer. We have prayed for you kids from before you were born, and strongly believe that God has been present with you from the beginning. We pray more for your spiritual health than your physical health; more for your holiness than your happiness. Ultimately, our goal is to see you in heaven, and your worldly success is secondary.
4.09.2009
Holy Week
Becky: This week during my morning devotions, I've been reading through the various events of Holy Week. I've never been very good at keeping the four gospels apart, and have the hardest time remembering which book a certain passage is in. However, I've found this week to be eye-opening, as I'm discovering my "favorite" account of each of the different parts of Holy Week.
Do you have a favorite gospel account for each of the following events? If so, which gospel? And (if you have time), any special reasons why?
- The Triumphal Entry
- Jesus Clears the Temple
- Jesus Annointed at Bethany
- Jesus Washes His Disciples' Feet
- The Lord's Supper or The Last Supper/Jesus Predicts Peter's Denial &His Betrayal
- Gethsemane or Jesus Prays on the Mount of Olives
- Jesus Arrested
- Before the Sanhedrin
- Peter Disowns Jesus
- Before Pilate and Herod/The Guards Mock Jesus
- The Crucifixion
- Jesus' Death
- Jesus' Burial
- The Resurrection or The Empty Tomb
I'll answer too, once I can find the time to sit down and compare. :)
Dad: I can't say that I could tell you off hand which Gospel is my favorite for any of these events, except to say that Mark has a lot less about a few of them, and not every Gospel has every event or statement. I generally like whichever Gospel gives the most detail, with the exception of John, which sometimes goes way beyond the story and into all the prayers and teaching, which is important, but when reading the story, I often read it from another Gospel. I've heard there is an entire Bible which is a chronological version, with all the verses, unless they are repeats from other books of the Bible. That way the whole story with all its details are together in one chronological sequence.
I do like to read all four though, because each Gospel is from a different point of view, so it is interesting to read each one. If you want to compare the accounts in each Gospel to decide which one you like best, or to see how they compare, we have a book called "Synopsis of the Four Gospels" which has all four in parallel so you can see it visually without turning back and forth.
Another way to enjoy the story is to see the various movies that have been made about Jesus. One frustration, though, is that almost every movie has taken liberties with the details. When I hear something that isn't right, I wonder why. It isn't that difficult to get it right. I can understand leaving things out to manage the time, but to get wrong what is included just isn't right.
Happy reading.
Do you have a favorite gospel account for each of the following events? If so, which gospel? And (if you have time), any special reasons why?
- The Triumphal Entry
- Jesus Clears the Temple
- Jesus Annointed at Bethany
- Jesus Washes His Disciples' Feet
- The Lord's Supper or The Last Supper/Jesus Predicts Peter's Denial &His Betrayal
- Gethsemane or Jesus Prays on the Mount of Olives
- Jesus Arrested
- Before the Sanhedrin
- Peter Disowns Jesus
- Before Pilate and Herod/The Guards Mock Jesus
- The Crucifixion
- Jesus' Death
- Jesus' Burial
- The Resurrection or The Empty Tomb
I'll answer too, once I can find the time to sit down and compare. :)
Dad: I can't say that I could tell you off hand which Gospel is my favorite for any of these events, except to say that Mark has a lot less about a few of them, and not every Gospel has every event or statement. I generally like whichever Gospel gives the most detail, with the exception of John, which sometimes goes way beyond the story and into all the prayers and teaching, which is important, but when reading the story, I often read it from another Gospel. I've heard there is an entire Bible which is a chronological version, with all the verses, unless they are repeats from other books of the Bible. That way the whole story with all its details are together in one chronological sequence.
I do like to read all four though, because each Gospel is from a different point of view, so it is interesting to read each one. If you want to compare the accounts in each Gospel to decide which one you like best, or to see how they compare, we have a book called "Synopsis of the Four Gospels" which has all four in parallel so you can see it visually without turning back and forth.
Another way to enjoy the story is to see the various movies that have been made about Jesus. One frustration, though, is that almost every movie has taken liberties with the details. When I hear something that isn't right, I wonder why. It isn't that difficult to get it right. I can understand leaving things out to manage the time, but to get wrong what is included just isn't right.
Happy reading.
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